Backbiting and Gossip
Backbiting and Gossip
compiled by Sally Walker
1. Backbiting - to attack the character or reputation of a person who is not present or to speak unfavorably or slanderously of a person who is not present.
-Dictionary.com
2. Pollute not your tongues by speaking evil of another. Recognize your enemies as friends, and consider those who wish you evil as the wishers of good. You must not see evil as evil and then compromise with your opinion, for to treat in a smooth, kindly way one whom you consider evil or an enemy is hypocrisy, and this is not worthy or allowable. You must consider your enemies as your friends, look upon your evil-wishers as your well-wishers and treat them accordingly. Act in such a way that your heart may be free from hatred. Let not your heart be offended with anyone. If some one commits an error and wrong toward you, you must instantly forgive him. Do not complain of others.
-Abdu'l-Baha
3. If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
- Mother Teresa
5. An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
-Buddha
-Buddha
6. If any soul speak ill of an absent one, the only result will clearly be this: he will dampen the zeal of the friends and tend to make them indifferent. For backbiting is divisive, it is the leading cause among the friends of a disposition to withdraw. If any individual should speak ill of one who is absent, it is incumbent on his hearers, in a spiritual and friendly manner, to stop him, and say in effect: would this detraction serve any useful purpose? -Abdu'l-Baha
7. If, however, a person setteth about speaking well of another, opening his lips to praise another, he will touch an answering chord in his hearers and they will be stirred up by the breathings of God. Their hearts and souls will rejoice to know that, God be thanked, here is a soul in the Faith who is a focus of human perfections, a very embodiment of the bounties of the Lord, one whose tongue is eloquent, and whose face shineth, in whatever gathering he may be, one who hath victory upon his brow, and who is a being sustained by the sweet savours of God. -Abdu'l-Baha
8. There is an old schoolyard chant that goes “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”. The original author of this chant must have had incredible self-esteem (or lived in a dream world) because for most of us words can hurt. Harmful words can inflict considerable damage in individuals and relationships – and this damage, unlike the damage of broken bones, sometimes never completely heals. One form of harmful words is malicious gossip – rumor and innuendo based on incomplete “facts” or downright fiction spread with the intent to cause turmoil or discredit certain individuals or institutions. Another less insidious form of harmful words is speculative gossip – rumor based on assumptions about “what the future holds” or what is currently going on. When applied in the workplace, both forms of gossip can have serious consequences on morale and productivity. -www.apcoinstitute.org
9. For example, you are about to tell someone the news of what happened. “Guess what? You don’t know yet? Let me tell you.” . . . For that brief moment, you know more than the other. The satisfaction that you feel is of the ego, and it is derived from feeling a stronger sense of self relative to the other person….. Many people are addicted to gossiping partly for this reason. In addition, gossiping often carries an element of malicious criticism and judgment of others, and so it also strengthens the ego through the implied but imagined moral superiority that is there whenever you apply a negative. judgment to anyone - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth
10. The worst human quality and the most great sin is backbiting, more especially when it emanates from the tongues of the believers of God. -Abdul-Baha
11. That seeker should also regard backbiting as grievous error, and keep himself aloof from its dominion, inasmuch as backbiting quencheth the light of the heart, and extinguisheth the life of the soul. -Baha'u'llah
12. O SON OF MAN! Breathe not the sins of others so long as thou art thyself a sinner. Shouldst thou transgress this command, accursed wouldst thou be, and to this I bear witness. -Baha'u'llah
13. And the worst of all sins are those that are greatest in harm and danger. Among the destructive major sins are backbiting and slandering. These two sins were forbidden by Allah through His Prophet because they sow enmity, evils and discord among people and lead to destruction. They make their perpetrator regret when regret will be of no avail. They cause hostilities between people of the same household and between neighbours and relatives. -http://www.lutonmuslims.co.uk/backbiting.htm
14. Backbiting in the Workplace
I work in an outpatient healthcare facility where there is constant backbiting and gossip going on with the staff and the patients. Some days I hate to go to work, although I like my job pretty well. Why do people insist on gossiping and spreading things that they know aren't true?
Signed "Fed Up with the Backbiting"
I work in an outpatient healthcare facility where there is constant backbiting and gossip going on with the staff and the patients. Some days I hate to go to work, although I like my job pretty well. Why do people insist on gossiping and spreading things that they know aren't true?
Signed "Fed Up with the Backbiting"
15. Dear “Fed Up with the Backbiting”,
Why do people gossip? It is probably the major form of communication in any business, church, social or family setting. Gossip can be pretty destructive and counterproductive especially when it is about you. For the person who is carrying the information, he or she may feel as though it is a civic duty to share their knowledge with anyone who will listen. It also seems to be necessary to embellish it a little, in the event that the topic of gossip isn't juicy enough. You probably heard about the office gossip who said "…that is all that I can tell you…. I have already told you more than I heard myself."
We have been told that knowledge is power. So, the person who seems to have a lot of knowledge may be perceived, or perceive him or herself as "in the know" and therefore powerful. In fact, often that is not the case.
16. Now what to do about the office gossip. Gossip requires a talker and a listener. If no one listens then he or she can't gossip. It's up to each individual to make the choice to participate, or not, in this past time. In breaking free of the practice of gossiping, we could apply the Rotary Club's four-way test regarding the information received and passed on to others. - Is it true?
Why do people gossip? It is probably the major form of communication in any business, church, social or family setting. Gossip can be pretty destructive and counterproductive especially when it is about you. For the person who is carrying the information, he or she may feel as though it is a civic duty to share their knowledge with anyone who will listen. It also seems to be necessary to embellish it a little, in the event that the topic of gossip isn't juicy enough. You probably heard about the office gossip who said "…that is all that I can tell you…. I have already told you more than I heard myself."
We have been told that knowledge is power. So, the person who seems to have a lot of knowledge may be perceived, or perceive him or herself as "in the know" and therefore powerful. In fact, often that is not the case.
16. Now what to do about the office gossip. Gossip requires a talker and a listener. If no one listens then he or she can't gossip. It's up to each individual to make the choice to participate, or not, in this past time. In breaking free of the practice of gossiping, we could apply the Rotary Club's four-way test regarding the information received and passed on to others. - Is it true?
-Is it fair to all concerned? - Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
- Will it be beneficial to all concerned? If you answer ‘no’ to any of these questions, don’t participate!
-Best wishes, Mary Rau-Foster
-Best wishes, Mary Rau-Foster
17. ... Hear no evil, and see no evil, abase not thyself, neither sigh and weep. Speak no evil, that thou mayest not hear it spoken unto thee, and magnify not the faults of others that thine own faults may not appear great; and wish not the abasement of anyone, that thine own abasement be not exposed. -Baha'u'llah
18. We must first reflect upon the way idle gossip leads us to speak badly of others, wastes a lot of time, and leaves us unfulfilled. We then consider the attitude we have toward people who gossip, how we don’t really trust them and would not feel confident asking their advice or confiding in them. –The Dalai Lama
19. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -Ephesians 4:31-32
20. Gossip can ruin people's lives," says Sam Chapman, CEO of Empower Public Relations (www.empowerpr.com), who started his Chicago PR firm two-and-a-half years ago after leaving another firm where, he says, vicious gossip was endemic. It tends to snowball, because people start projecting things onto the person who's being talked about," Chapman explains. "If you say something like, 'Joe's not pulling his weight around here lately,' that rumor not only spreads, it gets worse, because everyone will start finding new 'evidence' that Joe's not pulling his weight. -Sam Chapman
21. According to a new survey that just crossed my desk, staffing firm Randstad USA (www.randstad.com) and pollsters Harris Interactive recently asked more than 1,500 employed adults to name their biggest pet peeves about their jobs. Workplace gossip was the clear winner, cited No. 1 by 60% of respondents. -http://money.cnn.com/2007/11/02/news/economy/gossip.fortune/index.htm
22. “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” In the Bible, Jesus’ question remains unanswered, but the answer is, of course” Because when I criticize or condemn another, it makes me feel bigger, superior. – Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth
23. "As regards backbiting, i.e. discussing the faults of others in their absence, the teachings are very emphatic. . . Bahá'u'lláh says in The Hidden Words; 'Breathe not the sins of others so long as thou art a sinner. Shouldst thou transgress this command ACCURSED ARE THOU.' The condemnation of backbiting could hardly be couched in stronger language than in these passages, and it is obviously one of the foremost obligations for Bahá'ís to set their faces against this practice. Even if what is said against another person be true, the mentioning of his faults to others still comes under the category of backbiting, and is forbidden." - Lights of Guidance
24. O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord. - 'Abdu'l-Bahá